An addict’s longing..

Just back from London, having been there for work. I’d had to leave R with husband when he was ill, which I hated to do. But there’s an upside - he’s much better today. Although the distance was enforced and I had no choice but to go it served a good purpose - stopped me obsessing and made me accept that, inevitably, I can’t be always there - and actually, I don’t need to be.

The frustration of feeling as though you are regarded as irreplaceable, of feeling that you are needed, is one I haven’t yet come to terms with. It feels mean-spirited and crapulous to resent R his need of me - what choice does the poor little bugger have?

But if I can relax enough to remember that the mechanics of his care can be managed by others…. then I can concentrate on the lovely bits…. having him come home in husband’s arms from nursery and seeing his gorgeous face split into a wide, toothy grin at the sight of me! Being able to reach out to mirror his reaching out and to hug and cuddle and giggle with him. I love him so much.