The promised precis…

Monday 18th, I was at work, happily going about my own business. I went for a wee prior to my lunch - I felt a twinge, thought nothing of it, ate my sandwich and bantered with the boys…. two hours later D was rushing me to hospital, running red lights and taking the most appalling risks. I was lying flat in the car, insensate with pain, unable to speak and foaming at the chops.

I endured the usual infamy from the A & E doc which was palliated by the nurse, a fantastic NZ lass, who told him to get knotted, sorted me out, tubed me for a wee sample and managed to get me some morphine. They admitted me and then the next lunchtime discharged me as they didn’t know what was wrong, and the pain had gone back some.

I had time for a bath - not even a hairwash. I ordered a cab and went straight back to the hospital - it scared the pants off the cab driver - he was really concerned, saying, ‘have you got a relative at A & E luv? Has there been an accident?’ and I said, ‘No, it’s me’. He wailed, ‘Bloody Hell!!’ and looked about ready to turn tail and leave me in the road. I tartly informed him I wasn’t catching and to drive faster before I passed out in his front seat. I even gave him a tip when I got to A & E. Yeah, don’t take no fares to the hospital, haha.

I remember Gordon Ramsay’s F Word was on in the reception but I wasn’t interested; I staggered up to the desk and showed the receptionist my wristband and she laughed as she had been, at that moment, typing up my notes. They whisked me through and tranked me up again. SSDD.

The scan showed a mass - ectopic or a cyst, they didn’t know which. The usual drill ensued - they tried to fob me off and get me to come back another week… unbelievable. I told them to get knotted and that I wasn’t leaving the hospital without them investigating further. Whaddayaknow, an operation slot was found that very day.

Haemorrhagic ovarian cyst - sorted. But the past weeks have left me low in spirit, energy deficient, lacklustre and totally unable to cope with husband, baby or home. I stayed at my mum’s, which drove husband crazy, and sacrificed time with my boy for sleep and hiding out in dark rooms. Thank god I did.

We’re off the the island on Wednesday, which superficially seems a lunatic thing to do. But we all need a break and my mother in law wants to fuss me and I have NO objection, let me tell you.